it is almost midnight. and i dont even know what it feels like to be loved by her. still. fuck it. i mean, if it wasnt meant to be, it wasnt meant to be. i just really hoped that it would all work out. i had my fuckin heart in it. after watchin 7 pounds it made me think alot about my own life and what im doing. if she was dying, and i could save her life by taking my own life instead, i would do it. thinking about it kinda makes me sick. i hate when people fucking kill themself. i really fucking do. why the fuck do you have to do it? no. how the fuck do you do it? ive been there before. ive been dead set. the only problem is, ive never had the balls to go through with it. maybe you just gotta fucking embrace the idea that this life wasnt meant for everyone, and sometimes you gotta make sacrifices. it just feels like my sacrifice isnt really worth it. i dont even know what im talking about. i knew i shouldnt have put my heart into this. i know i shouldve gone with the flow and just let whatever happened happen. but shit real. you cant change the past. but God, i really wish i could. i wish i had another chance. i wouldve taken her when i had her. and once i had her, id never let go. shes too good to let go.
tonight is gonna be one of those nights...
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