gunshots keepin callin for my head...

Work in the morning. And 60 bucks to throw in the bank. Money isn't really anything to me. I mean, if it isn't cash, it doesn't matter. I got like 300 stashed up and it def. Doesn't feel like it. The thing that sucks is that it'll be gone once I pay my insurance and this fuckin phone bill. 250 bucks for that shit. I gotta buy some new dunkitos. Ya dig?

boobz.

Hate bitches.
Really do.
Boobs suck.
Fuckin hoes.
Lets get it.
Spit fire.

I think im losin it

Im lost on the rooooooooooooooooooooad...

Okay, pal, I see you with the new mic...

Shit is about to be very real my friend. Very real.

Okay.

Live night.
Fuck everyone else.
Its just me and my music.
Nigga.

ok. that's cool.

Or don't tell me how you feel. Bitch.

Jk i<3u!!!

Merry christmas yall.

You know who it is, the motion is swift, with hits so wait til they get a load of this. Dismiss any questions suggestin that I am not the best since whoever had the best since the exit before I snatched it, direct hit, no homo, I leave cats breathless...

kevin smith

Writes and produces great love stories.
Zack and Miri Make A Porno was fucking hilarious. Great story. Great cast. Good shit.
On another note, piffmondo. Feel me?
And work is a fantastic thing. Society needs work. It keeps people sane. Money keeps people sane. Spending money keeps people sane.

Your worried bout the wrong things, the wrong things...

I can't believe its Christmas Eve.
And I got work in six hours. Its ok. Work means money. And money will keep me sane.

Since I can't find anything else that'll do it for me...

I think she's ready...
I been holdin out for so long...
If she ready...
Then I know I can't go wrong...

She ditched me tonight. :/

its 7:30 in the morning

And im still up. I got work in like 9 hours. I really should get my ass to sleep. Christmas is coming up, and my money situation is looking great. I just wish I had someone to share it with...feel me?
Anyways, shoutout to Boogz. Much love, brother. Ill see you again one day.

Lifes not fair.

She should spend christmas eve with me.
That would be cool...

work is a great thing.

girl, your the best thing i ever had, matter fact
your the best thing i never had, now thats a fact

i work with great people.
i come home to great people.
i am loved by great people.
so why do i feel so alone?

I can't stop missin you...

I only die when I sleep...

Will Smith is a great actor.

I don't think she knows how bad im hurting...
If she did, maybe she wouldn't be talking to me...
Maybe she would just leave me alone...
I speak from the heart when I say I hate life...
I wish I was numb. I wish I could let go of all the memories and forget her...
Who the fuck am I kidding, ill never forget her...

i cant fucking take it...

i love you.


i fucking love you.


what else do i have to say for you to see that?


how much more of myself do i have to kill before you realize how much you mean to me?


i just need you to say it back to me.


thats all im asking for...

time out

it is almost midnight. and i dont even know what it feels like to be loved by her. still. fuck it. i mean, if it wasnt meant to be, it wasnt meant to be. i just really hoped that it would all work out. i had my fuckin heart in it. after watchin 7 pounds it made me think alot about my own life and what im doing. if she was dying, and i could save her life by taking my own life instead, i would do it. thinking about it kinda makes me sick. i hate when people fucking kill themself. i really fucking do. why the fuck do you have to do it? no. how the fuck do you do it? ive been there before. ive been dead set. the only problem is, ive never had the balls to go through with it. maybe you just gotta fucking embrace the idea that this life wasnt meant for everyone, and sometimes you gotta make sacrifices. it just feels like my sacrifice isnt really worth it. i dont even know what im talking about. i knew i shouldnt have put my heart into this. i know i shouldve gone with the flow and just let whatever happened happen. but shit real. you cant change the past. but God, i really wish i could. i wish i had another chance. i wouldve taken her when i had her. and once i had her, id never let go. shes too good to let go.
tonight is gonna be one of those nights...

slapping puppies

How does it make you feel? It makes me laugh kinda. Whatever. John to my left, Bob to my right. Wtf? Where are we gonna chill? Fuck it. Lets go to the bar. Fuck it. Lets get hammered. Lets get smashed.
In a minute, well forget who we are. And it happens. And when it does, its magical...
Im not afraid anymore...

tell me right now, you really wanna spend your whole life alone?

That's what it fucking feels like. I aint got no problem, with girls out in harlem but I can't stand a fuckin asian girl...
Too much. I guess that's what it is. Too much. And its always been that way, I've just been too blind to see it.
So tell me why im having dreams about my past. Why do I keep thinking about that word. Maybe Charles Hamilton was onto something with that whole Frustration bit... maybe my mirrors reflection is the other side of me...maybe somethin that I've always been told wasn't the answer really is the answer...

chinese food

Is coming...

wow.

There is so much I have to say, but im way too high to write it. Sad part is, were not even finished smoking...

Marijuana tv sets..
The weed is transformed into a liquid that turns into plastic then turns into spray...
It is called fiberweed...
Fuck. I know I didn't get the words right but whatever...
Maybe All The Right Words really were the right words...
Fuck it...

wtf

Is wrong with me?

maybe im onto something...

Cosell is my humor, my joy and my laughter,
Every single thing I been after,
Saul is the way I feel about her,
And everything that we were,
And will be, Charlie is everything I hate,
The thoughts in my head, cuz you are what you create,
And Yeezy is the heartbreak,
Tearin me apart lately,
And Spike is smoke that I breathe,
The serious side that I might just need,
And Gump, well Gump is a completely seperate story.
Feel me?

didn't you know I was waitin on you?

I don't even know how to feel. Waitin is frustration...and failed suicide attempts..
And if it don't go right then God tell me why im so blind to this lie called life...
There aint nothin like an asian girl, damn sure aint nothin like an asian girl...
Shit man. Maybe this scarf is tied around my neck for a reason...

svhe.

Didn't know how else to spell it. Saul Williams is a hell of a guy. So is Colin Cosell. Great fucking people live in this world. You just gotta find em, and then you gotta understand em. Hardheadedness never helped anybody. If you don't know, don't act like you know, find out. Comprehension is prolly the most important part of civilized society. If everybody just understood eachother, then nobody would feel left out. Were all humans. Why not act like it?

Im just a soul whose intentions are good,
Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.


Men of the hour:
Colin Cosell
Saul Williams
Charles Hamilton
Kanye West
Spike Spiegel
Forrest Gump

Maybe you'd understand me if you understood these people a little better...

okay, okay okay

maybe this won't be the worst winter ever. Maybe its not so cold outside. It feels like I've been freezin my ass off for the past 18 years of my life waitin in front of the mailbox for a letter that's never even been sent, and its finally comin. I really hope Im not just gettin my hopes up. I mean, even if the weather does happen to get cold again, at least now I got this scarf...

hey hey hey hey

Mrs so fly crash lands in my room...
Can't waste no time, she might leave soon...

Don't say you will unless you will...

I think its the unpredictability that haunts me so much. Not knowing whether or not she feels like I do. Not knowing how long I got with her. Times too fuckin precious to just sit back and let life pass you by. I had to do it. I had to say something. only a fool would keep his mouth shut. Or maybe that's the wise man...

bloggin it up bitches.

I hate you. Whoever is reading this. I hate you. Just know that. Fuck life.

808s n heartbreak.

Im thinkin everything happens for a reason. Maybe im supposed to get hurt. Maybe this album is significant to my life. Maybe im crazy.
These songs just seem to have meaning at this time in my life. The winters when your heart breaks.
I really hope im just crazy. I hope she loves me too.

and I might see you in my nightmares...

But how did you get there?

You know how I feel about you. You always have. So why do you gotta fuck around with me? I don't know if I should really put my heart into this so much. It might backfire on me. I don't know what the rest of the year has in store for me but I really think 2009 is gonna be a good fuckin year. So tell everybody that you know...

Welcome

to something fucking stupid. this has nothing to do with anybody but myself. if anyone happens to ever see this, then it must be fate or something. for once in my life im gonna do something ive always been afraid of. im gonna spill my entire heart into this blog....