on some sick shit...

Im startin to like the perks...

my fuckin shoulder hurts.

I did it. Im all done. I fuckin did it. They fucked my shit up, but I did it. I took a fuckin syringe to the neck, and Im gonna have a scar on my arm the size of my phone, but fuck it. I did it. Can't believe it. The painkillers are doin a pretty good job too. My shoulder is basically just really sore. But christ, I did it.
Im proud of myself.
Hopefully ill get better as soon as possible.
Shoutout to ronnieboo. Good look on the rice crispy treats.
My fucking shoulder hurts.
Song of the post: gifted - nasa & yeezy.
Im lifted...im gifted...

the very first time that I saw your brown eyes...

I think I said hi. Or maybe I ignored you.
Everyone deserves a second chance. If I knew then what I know now...
Shit baedoll! Your really on my mind more than the guapo. I miss you. Isn't that shit crazy? I was just with you the other day, but I miss you like its been forever. Maybe that's cuz I know you aren't gonna call and just show up. Not tonight.
Tomorrow im waking up and getting fucking surgery, so I get so be fucked up on perks for a few weeks til I recover. Great.
That just makes it even longer before I see you again.
I can't believe I really sung that song acapella today in front of all those people. That was such a crazy adrenaline rush. Usually I get that feeling from gettin hurt or somethin like that, but not from singing. It was wierd. I felt so good afterwards. 2 days sober. Woah.
Its crazy. Life. Its fucking intense. I love it tho. And I love everyone.
Anyways, back to the whole point of this post.
Dear y.o.u.
If I ever fall in love again, ill be sure that the lady is you.
I promise.

Only difference between you and me is that when I make a promise, I intend to keep it.
But I still love you.
And I always will.
Because your my girl
And without you, id be heartless.
Baby come back.
I was wrong and I just can't live without you...

why do she be so mad at me for?

Home idk.
St pattys parade.
People drink way past their limit.
Shit is very real.
Meedy for the most part.
Some cool shit happened, but it was mostly whack cuz I kinda wanted to chill more but fuck it.
One day, imma buy you the world...

Boo I think your my favorite girl ever.

So tell everybody that you know.

I got the right to put up a fight...

today...

I woke up on 2 hours of sleep, went to the doctors, went back to sleep, woke up 4 hours later, got fucking stoned, and stayed high until now.
FML!!!!!!!

And the thing that sucks the most is that I gotta get up for work at 11. And to make things even better, ill prolly end up working all night.
Or not.
Either way, I got like 5 days til my surgery. This is gonna suck so bad.

FML!!!!!!!!

I hope one day, when I least expect it, she comes to me and tells me she loves me and means it. that would be sweet.

We could make our sweet escape...
We should make our sweet escape...

Has anyone told you that you look beautiful today?

Haha.
FML!

dear charles hamilton

There are two voices in my head. One is saying, "let me have it all and get it over with" and the other is saying, "what's the hurry?". Which one should I listen to?
Write back.

never knows best...

Wow. 2 weeks. Nice one. Its funny, I think about blogging but I don't do it.
Never knows best...
Anyways, this is what the past 2 weeks have taught me.
1. Rekindling an old flame is easy, but it doesn't burn the same, and it leaves you with this empty feeling.
2. Dreams are fucked up.
3. When she leaves, I get that same empty feeling those other girls give me, because I guess I don't really know if she's coming back...
4. she really means the world to me. Haha. Christ.
5. If you love something, then expect it to hurt you.

Its all a game baby...
I want my 64 back...
Where's my fuckin 64?

I win.
You lose.
So keep your love locked down...

wow.

March 1st. In 18 days im gettin surgery. Not looking forward to it but eh. Lets do it. Why not, right? Fuck.
6 letters. You know who im talkin about. What a girl.
That's all I have to say about that.
Money is great.
But im still missin somethin.
Im not askin for the whole shabang.
Just some love.
Is that so much to ask?
1st otb mixtape has to come out by april.
If not.
Idk what im gonna do.
Im either makin moves
Or im wastin time
And life is short.
Bitches...
Shoutout to my fav wookie. Ya digz.

okay, if I can zone...

once again, im in, the emotion is quick to give up and so I spit and live up to my minds content and I can think alotta shit up, I hurl, these niggas just spit up, wipe the shit up and light the piff up, I go harder then your abs when you sit up, these dudes should get up and take off, I got so many jays I stay facin my face off, bite your tounge bitch or imma slap the taste off, take me off the track like takin the bass off, the bass on I take on any challenger, I hit you nine times like fifty or j. Salinger, dudes cower in fear when I appear on the track don't call it a feature, my best feature is my next feature, the last one was somethin like a rap creature, I fine tuned it, my mind tuned into the lesson like a teacher, extract the wisdom and step back, im exact when I cut the beat, fuck it run that shit back, dunks slap the cement, I spent so much money on piff that all I got left is residue on my lips, so please leave the room if you don't smoke, no joke, every line I rhyme is two tokes, I call these dudes verses roachies, it aint even enough for a buzz, trust, I need least a blunt, or two, im through, three make my knees weak, four make me queasy, the fifth one get me feelin eazy, after that I can smoke an o like meezy, im the best so you best believe me. Oww...

and just because I don't remember shit

Doesn't mean you have the right to act like you don't give a shit.
Its fucking valentines day and im alone :(
I gotta finish that something about us song tomarrow...

ready to fly oww.

Brother boogie I wrote this for you
Cuz shit real, god took you too soon
Now everytime I look at tha sky I see blue
To tell tha truth you taught me a lesson
To keep your head up is a blessin
Cuz life be messin with your head sometimes
And sometimes you gotta feel ready to die
Cuz shit a real nigga gotta fly.

Respect n love.
Rest in peace Boogavel.
I got an enternity of love for you my nigga. Shit real. No homo tho.

febuary 6th.

So im gonna try and keep this blog til the end of the year and then kaput. Anyways, there's not much for me to say. I got a few things in mind, cuz blogging is really the only way to reach the rest of the world at 5:30 in the morning...
Ok. First off, home movies is a great show. Hilarious. Accurate sense of humor to mine. Ok.
It would be cool if boobz was my valentine. Ya dig?
And I miss my boo :(
She needs to come chill with me.
And tomorrow is gonna be whack.
Maybe.
Idk.
Ok. Im done.
Peace...

canvas.

ive had the most fucking retarded past two days of my life. i go to sleep trashed at 6 am, wake up 3 hours later, stay up all day, go to sleep at 2 am the next day and wake up 2 hours later, stay up all day, then sleep for like 11 hours. now its almost 12 and i gotta wake up for work tomarrow. speakin of which, i missed word today... fucking a. anyways. i love females. theyre fucking GREAT! especially yellow ones with red hair. heh. ok. so canvas.
thats what life is.
a fucking canvas.
and you're behind it.
with a paintbrush
and every fucking color of paint you can imagine.
the problem is, the paint is in front of the cavas.
so in order to paint on the canvas, you gotta hold your arm around it
blindly choose a color
and blindly paint
something.
now you can cheat.
you cant peek around the corner, and you cant even see the painting
but you can tear holes in the canvas and take control of your painting
but you cant sew the holes once theyre there
thats what it is.
i think.

wheres my woman at?
valentines day is comin up and i dont got no valentine. :(

that's the end of that!

Ehh. Not as happy with my little project as I predicted I would be. Some of them are piff, but others are ehh. Did good but coulda done better. Anyways...rihanna is sexy.
Shoutout to bfb! Ya dig!

paranoid.

Why are you so paranoid?
Don't be so paranoid.
Baby don't worry bout it.
Look at you.
Tell me right now, do you really wanna spend your whole life alone?
Relax.
It might not be the right time.
Let go of the wheel
And see where fate takes you.
Anyways...

coldest winter.

On lonely nights I start to fade.
All of it doesn't seem like enough to keep my head lost in the voices of your rejection.
The street lights, the bad news, the heartbreak, the nightmares, the paranoia...

Spring is on its way
And I can't say im anything less than ready.
The snow is starting to thaw, and I can taste the difference in the air.
This year will be better...

see you in my nightmares.

In my dreams you love me
But when I wake there is nothing.
Suddenly the insomnia and the lost memory seem to aid me
And offer the only hope I got.
Its just that
When I do manage to fall asleep
And when I do manage to remember
Is when I regret waking up.
I've never seen birds fly by faster than this dawn.
I can't get no sleep.
Ill see you in my nightmares...

pinnochio story.

You can only do this for so long before you forget who you really are.
I'm sick of pretending like I'm someone I'm not
but everything you say reminds me how much I've lost
and every part of myself that I miss.
In order to move on, you have to let some things go
but this wasn't in the fine print.
You move like the silhouette in my window
dances with the raindrops and street lights.
Tonight I'll sleep without you by my side.
I can't keep lying to you
I just want to be a real boy...

love lockdown.

I've seen these walls before.
They distort and delay your voice
but its never sounded more crisp or clear than it does tonight.
And its never anything more than a one night stand
or a hazy memory I'm supposed to hold on to forever.
My wrists are starting to burn
and my faith is starting to drain
because it kind of feels like you really did lose the key...

robocop.

Gunpowder residue and the taste of cold steel on my tounge
And the confining promise of solitude.
I've never felt so...out of control...